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If Looks Could Kill – Deadly & Beautiful Heroines

The following heroines (and anti-heroines) from science fiction and fantasy movies kick butt, and look good doing it. The film summaries are all from http://www.imdb.com.

Charlize Theron as Ravenna in Snow White and the Huntsman

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“Once upon a time, King Magnus and his Queen have a beautiful daughter, Snow White, who is raised with her best friend William. When the Queen passes away, the King grieves her death but has to fight against a dark invader army. He rescues a beautiful prisoner, Ravenna, and on the next day he marries her. On the wedding night, Ravenna stabs King Magnus on the chest and brings the enemy army led by her brother Finn that destroys the King’s army. Ravenna imprisons Snow White on the Northern Tower of the castle while William, his father The Duke and a few survivors escape from the castle. Years later, the kingdom is completely depleted and Queen Ravenna, who is an evil witch, keeps her beauty draining the youth of young ladies. When the Magic Mirror tells that Snow White would be the source of her immortality, she asks Finn to bring the princess to her. However, Snow White escapes and flees to the Dark Forest. Queen Ravenna brings a Huntsman that misses his wife and she promises to bring her back to life provided he catches Snow White to her. But when he captures Snow White, he discovers that the evil Queen lied to him and he becomes the protector of the princess. Meanwhile William learns that Snow White is alive and he heads to join Finn’s men to meet her. The Huntsman and Snow White meet the eight dwarfs that bring them to the magic Fairytale Land. When they are attacked by Finn and his men, William also finds them and the group heads to the Duke’s castle with the intention of beginning an uprising against the evil Ravenna.”

Charlize Theron as Aeon Flux in Æon Flux

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“The year is 2415. 400 years after a virus wiped out half of the world’s population, the people that survived the virus now live in Bragna, a fortified city that is surrounded by a wall isolating the people from the virus infested rest of the world. Living in Bragna City, Aeon Flux, a mysterious female assassin who works for a underground group of rebels led by Handler. Aeon’s latest assignment is to assassinate Trevor Goodchild, a member of the council that controls Bragna City. When Aeon’s younger sister Una is killed by government agents, Aeon disobeys orders and decides to protect Trevor, and suspects Trevor’s brother Oren and the council members are plotting against Trevor. And when Handler learns Aeon failed the mission, Handler orders Aeon to be eliminated, and Aeon must risk everything as she not only protects Trevor, but also uncovers secrets and answers about her mysterious past and the government and all life in Bragna City itself.”

Milla Jovovich as Leelu in The Fifth Element

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“In the twenty-third century, the universe is threatened by evil. The only hope for mankind is the Fifth Element, who comes to Earth every five thousand years to protect the humans with four stones of the four elements: fire, water, Earth and air. A Mondoshawan spacecraft is bringing The Fifth Element back to Earth but it is destroyed by the evil Mangalores. However, a team of scientists use the DNA of the remains of the Fifth Element to rebuild the perfect being called Leeloo. She escapes from the laboratory and stumbles upon the taxi driver and former elite commando major Korben Dallas that helps her to escape from the police. Leeloo tells him that she must meet Father Vito Cornelius to accomplish her mission. Meanwhile, the Evil uses the greedy and cruel Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg and a team of mercenary Mangalores to retrieve the stones and avoid the protection of Leeloo. But the skilled Korben Dallas has fallen in love with Leeloo and decides to help her to retrieve the stones.”

Milla Jovovich as Alice in Resident Evil series

Resident Evil: Extinction

“A virus has escaped into a secret facility called “The Hive,” which chemically turns the staff (Umbrella Corporation) into man eating zombies and releasing the mutated lab animals that they were studying. The complex computer (The Red Queen) shuts down the base to prevent from infection. The parent corporation sends in a military unit, where they meet Alice who has only a short time to remember who she is and what is her mission. who which is suffering from amnesia due to the nerve gas released into her bathroom. The military must shut down the computer (The Red Queen) and make their way back out of the Hive. Fighting their way past zombies, mutants and The Red Queen before the T-Virus escapes and effects the rest of the world. Its up to Alice to defeat the virus, if she loses, we all lose.”

Milla Jovovich as Violet Song Jat Shariff in Ultraviolet

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“Set in the late 21st century, a subculture of humans have emerged who have been modified genetically by a vampire-like disease, giving them enhanced speed, incredible stamina and acute intelligence, and as they are set apart from “normal” and “healthy” humans, the world is pushed to the brink of worldwide civil war aimed at the destruction of the “diseased” population. In the middle of this crossed-fire is – an infected beautiful woman – Ultraviolet, who finds herself protecting a nine-year-old boy who has been marked for death by the human government as he is believed to be a threat to humans.”

Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor in Terminator 2: Judgment Day

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“Skynet, the 21st century computer waging a losing war on humans sends a second terminator back in time to destroy the leader of the human resistance while he is still a boy. His mother is the only one who knows of the existence of the Terminators, human-like robots that exist only to kill and are nearly indestructible, and Sarah, the boy’s mother is currently in a state mental hospital because of her ‘delusions’. A second protector is sent back to the past by the Human resistance to protect John Connor, their future leader, at all costs.”

Kate Beckingsale as Selene in Underworld

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“Vampires and Werewolves have been sworn enemies for hundreds of years. Now fought in a Gothic-like setting, the conflict takes an unexpected and deadly new turn. Selene, a beautiful vampire warrior, uncovers a Lycan plot that could prove fatal for her entire race. She shadows a human, Michael, the Lycan’s supposed target. Although she finds herself becoming attracted to him, he becomes infected with the lupine disease during a violent struggle with the Lycan overlord, Lucian, long thought to be dead. Now both sides must decide how to end the conflict and save their species as new and terrifying secrets unearth themselves and threaten their entire existance.”

Sigourney Weaver as Ripley in Alien series

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“Fifty seven years after Ellen Ripley survived her disastrous ordeal, her escape vessel is recovered after drifting across the galaxy as she slept in cryogenic stasis. Back on earth, nobody believed her story about the “Aliens” on the planet LV-426. After the “Company” orders the colony on LV-426 to investigate, however, all communication with the colony is lost. The Company enlists Ripley to aid a team of tough, rugged space marines on a rescue mission to the now partially terraformed planet to find out if there are aliens or survivors. As the mission unfolds, Ripley will be forced to come to grips with her worst nightmare, but even as she does, she finds that the worst is yet to come.”

Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

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“A member of a rich British aristocratic family, Lara Croft is a “tomb raider” who enjoys collecting ancient artifacts from ruins of temples, cities, etc. worldwide, and doesn’t mind going through death-defying dangers to get them. She is skilled in hand-to-hand combat, weapons training, and foreign languages – and does them all in tight outfits. Well, the planets of the solar system are going into planetary alignment (Which occurs every 5,000 years), and a secret society called the Illuminati is seeking an ancient talisman that gives its possessor the ability to control time. However, they need a certain clock/key to help them in their search, and they have to find the talisman in one week or wait until the next planetary alignment to find it again. Lara happens to find that key hidden in a wall of her mansion. The Illuminati steal it, and Lara gets an old letter from her deceased father telling her about the society’s agenda (Her father was also the one who hid the key). Now, she must retrieve the key and find and destroy the talisman before the Illuminati can get their hands on it.”

Anne Parillaud as Nikita in La Femme Nikita

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“Nikita is a young lady who with two Nihilist friends commit robbery and murder while on drugs. After her trial she is not executed or taken to prison, but to a school for special operatives. She is told that Nikita no longer exists and she will be trained to pay back society for what she has done, as a spy/assassin. She is trained for over two years and with no warning is handed a gun in a restaurant and told to kill the man at the next table as her handler leaves.”

Zhang Ziyi as Jen Yu in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

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“Li Mu Bai, a great warrior decides to turn in his sword, the Green Destiny to a treasured friend. When the sword is then stolen, it is up to him to retrieve it. At the same time he is trying to avenge his master’s death by the evil Jade Fox. He is joined in his quest by Shu Lien, the un-conceded love of his life. During all of this, they are introduced to Jiao Long Yu, the mysterious and beautiful daughter of a well known family. She is the mysterious link to all these tales. But through all the many subplots, this is in essence, a love story.”

Zoe Saldana as Cataleya in Colombiana

Zoe Saldana is "Cataleya" in TriStar Pictures' COLOMBIANA.

“A young woman grows up to be a stone-cold assassin after witnessing her parents’ murder as a child in Bogota. She works for her uncle as a hitman by day, but her personal time is spent engaging in vigilante murders that she hopes will lead her to her ultimate target – the mobster responsible for her parents’ death.”

Carrie Ann Moss as Trinity in The Matrix series

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“Thomas A. Anderson is a man living two lives. By day he is an average computer programmer and by night a hacker known as Neo. Neo has always questioned his reality, but the truth is far beyond his imagination. Neo finds himself targeted by the police when he is contacted by Morpheus, a legendary computer hacker branded a terrorist by the government. Morpheus awakens Neo to the real world, a ravaged wasteland where most of humanity have been captured by a race of machines that live off of the humans’ body heat and electrochemical energy and who imprison their minds within an artificial reality known as the Matrix. As a rebel against the machines, Neo must return to the Matrix and confront the agents: super-powerful computer programs devoted to snuffing out Neo and the entire human rebellion.”

Rebecca Romijn as Mystique in X-Men

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“In the near future, when children are being born with a special X-factor in their genes, giving them special powers and making them mutants, the seeds of a new Holocaust are being sown by Senator Robert Kelly. The situation brings into opposition the fellow mutants and former friends, Erik Lehnsherr, a.k.a. Magneto, and Professor Charles Xavier. While Xavier wants a peaceful means of stopping the hatred toward mutants, Magneto seeks to even things out with a machine that would speed up the mutation process in all humans, making everyone equal. To stop Magneto, Xavier brings together a special group of mutants called “X-Men” to stop him. In the meantime, two mysterious mutants emerge: Logan, a powerful and aggressive mutant with no past, no memories, and a young girl named Rogue. Their quests for identities eventually land them in the sights of Xavier and Magneto, but for what purpose?”

Tilda Swinton as the White Witch in The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

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“The film tells the story of 4 children who go to live with an old professor during the war. One day, while playing hide and seek, Lucy, the youngest of the children, finds a wardrobe which leads to a magical land called Narnia. However Narnia is being ruled by the evil White Witch who has made it snow for 100 years and according to an old prophecy, Edmund, Lucy, Peter and Susan are the “chosen ones” who will defeat the Witch. They are assisted by the true ruler of Narnia, the lion, Aslan. With the good Narnians on their side all 4 children must now defeat the witch using all their strength and fulfill their destinies to become the new kings and queens of Narnia.”

Click to Retweet: If Looks Could Kill – Deadly & Beautiful Heroines at http://wp.me/p31Xf4-Cp via @Nimpentoad


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The Worst Fictional TV/Movie Pairings

I just read somewhere that W.H. Auden tried (unsuccessfully) to convince his friend J.R.R. Tolkien not to create a romance between his Lord of the Rings characters Aragorn and Arwen. Happily, Prof. Tolkien was not dissuaded.

Sometimes, Auden’s advice should be taken however. As proof, I offer this recently discovered (by me) article “Romance Fail: The Worst Fictional Pairings, and Why They Happen” by Katherine Trendacosta at http://io9.com/romance-fail-the-worst-fictional-pairings-and-why-the-1522745762. Some images you’ll love to hate are below.

Romance Fail: The Worst Fictional Pairings, and Why They Happen

Look, we all know that writing believable romance is hard. Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to admit that not every story needs a relationship as it’s A, B, or even C plot. A story without romance is better than one with a bad one. I’m so, so tired of thinking “Hey, these characters are solid, the story’s fun – oh, oh no. Stop it. Where’d this relationship even come from?!”

These unconvincing relationships fall always seem to fall into the same patterns. Below are the ones to avoid, and the reasons they’re just awful. When you see these happening, bail. And if it can go into more than one of these categories? Do directly to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

SPOILER WARNING: Since this discusses characters who end up together and characters who break up, there are spoilers. SPOILERS STARTING RIGHT NOW!

Romance Fail: The Worst Fictional Pairings, and Why They Happen

Pairing the Spares

I’m just going use the TV Tropes name for this one, because I always hear it in my head, just like Voldemort saying “Kill the spare.” Because that’s how bad this trope is.

Does everyone have to end up paired off for there to be a happy ending? Even Shakespeare occasionally left some people unmarried at the end of his plays. It’s like people think romance is some sort of closed system, with no external matter allowed. There are other people in the world. We do not need to see them immediately paired up to believe they’ll be okay.

Top honors in this category goes to Enchanted for Nancy and Edward, who stand as an example of the particularly egregious practice of pairing off the exes of the protagonists.

See also: Martha Jones and Mickey in Doctor Who; Twilight; Doggett and Reyes in The X-Files; Oliver and Chloe in Smallville

Romance Fail: The Worst Fictional Pairings, and Why They Happen

Oh, Shit, the Story’s Ending. . . Um, I Guess They’re a Pair Now

This is closely related to the above, although that version has a more intense need to make sure that everyone‘s paired off with each other. This one can be more isolated, and doesn’t necessarily pair a regular character with another. Instead, it seems like, as the story winds down, the writer just thinks that a neglected character deserves a love interest. It’s the lack of development that bugs me in this category. Although, the above-pictured couple hit the trifecta of last-minuteness, lack of chemistry, and just plain stupidity.

See also: The movie versions of Faramir and Éowyn in The Lord of the Rings; Leela and Andred from Doctor Who (ends her story); Pen and Cinnaminson from Terry Brooks’ Shannara Series; Principal Wood and Faith, Buffy

Romance Fail: The Worst Fictional Pairings, and Why They Happen

Hi New Guy, Welcome to the Love Triangle

Congratulations! You’ve got two actors with great chemistry that the fans want to see together. But you can’t them together yet, that’d bring the dreaded Moonlighting problem. And then, brilliance! Just give one (or more) of the pairing a different love interest.

Dear writers: Please stop doing this. Please stop introducing new characters with the sole personality trait of “obstruction to the couple everyone knows will end up together.” Please stop telling us before they show that we think we’ll really like them. If you’re right, you’ve got your protagonist breaking a perfectly good person’s heart (See: Richard, Superman Returns) OR you end up committing character assassination in order to make that character bad and therefore absolve your protagonist of any blame. (See: Jason Teague in Smallville)

If you’re wrong, you’ve got bland filler that’s attracting all sorts of fan hate just through their existence. If they’re lucky, the audience ends up forgetting they were ever even there. That’s what happens when you write a plot point rather than a person.

Special shout-out to the comic-based media properties who have a tendency to give this character a well-known comics name, but none of their interesting comics personalities. Sorry, Spider-Man 2‘s John Jameson and The Incredible Hulk‘s Leonard Samson, you weren’t quite well known enough to compensate for your on-screen blandness.

See also: Lauren Reed in Alias; Viktor Krum and Lavender Brown in Harry Potter; Groo in Angel; Atherton Wing and Tracey Smith in Firefly; Shakaar in Deep Space Nine; Asha Barlow in Dark Angel; Lou/Jill/Hannah/Shaw from Chuck; Kocoum in Pocahontas; Martouf in Stargate SG-1; Pete Shanahan in Stargate SG-1 (who, despite being engaged to Sam Carter, I only remembered as “that guy, you know, that one”); Smallville, just, Smallville all the time

Romance Fail: The Worst Fictional Pairings, and Why They Happen

What are you talking about? I’ve always been in love with *spins roulette wheel*

This is when two previously established characters end up together out of nowhere. It can be closely related to the above category, substituting an established character for a new character. At least in this case, the characters have already existed, so they’re not starting as a plot point. On the other hand, using a character this way invites the same character-assassination-or-protagonist-heartbreaker conundrum as the new character. And when it’s a character that hadn’t previously shown any real interest in, or chemistry with, their new partner, chances are that there’s some serious revamping of their character involved in making this work. Plus, there’s a risk of turning a fan-favorite into someone whose death we’re all suddenly rooting for.

And when two characters are just pushed together without any previous interaction, a writer is lucky if the audience is merely confused, rather than shocked and appalled. (Manfully restraining myself from re-using Seven of Nine and Chakotay’s photo here.)

The later seasons of Battlestar Galactica were particularly prone to this trap. Dualla and Lee fall into the first category, and Tigh and Caprica 6 into the second.

See also: Lex Luthor and Lana Lang, Smallville; Harry and Ginny (for some) in Harry Potter; Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks, Harry Potter; Galen Tyrol and Cally Henderson in Battlestar Galactica; Worf and Deanna Troi, Star Trek: TNG

Romance Fail: The Worst Fictional Pairings, and Why They Happen

The Romance Kudzu

All you wanted to do was add a little romance to your story. Just for color. To make the world more believable. But suddenly, it’s taken over everything. You can’t beat it back. The original intention can’t even be seen any more. Instead, the romance has overtaken everything, leaving the landscape unrecognizable. That’s the Romance Kudzu, consuming everything it can.

The first Matrix movie had the opposite problem, putting a one-sided romance in at the end. The second and third? Hoo, boy. Back! Back, Romance Kudzu!

Minor variation: There’s a romance for no reason, which is so distracting it detracts from everything. An out of place Romance Topiary, if you will. The bland dude/bland mermaid relationship in Pirates of the Caribbean 4, for example.

See also: Wheel of Time; We Can Build You by Phillip K. Dick; Hitchhiker’s Guide to Galaxy (2005 movie); Farscape season 4

Romance Fail: The Worst Fictional Pairings, and Why They Happen

Pairs Juggling

This isn’t just a love triangle. Instead, this is when the writers aren’t really sure where they want the characters to end up, so they keep all the balls in the air. Every pairing’s a possibility! Everyone loves everyone! We’ll just wait for the audience to tell us which ones they like. Or for the actors to develop chemistry. Or for the tea leaves to finish steeping. Just don’t force us into a decision, we’re not ready! Characters pair up, break up, form new pairings, break those up, go back to each other . . . eventually someone has to walk away, right? Or, in the alternative, no one ever gets together, they just all alternately stare longingly at some and glare jealously at others.

By all accounts, the new Tomorrow People‘s got this problem. Astrid and Stephen? Stephen and Cara? Cara and John? Cara and Stephen?

See also: The Vampire Diaries; Emma, Hook, and Neal in Once Upon a TimeTeen Wolf; Community

Romance Fail: The Worst Fictional Pairings, and Why They Happen

The Leads Have No Chemistry

Just give up.


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The 25 Most Awesome Movie Weapons

Thanks to Mike Eisenberg at http://screenrant.com/top-25-movie-weapons-mikee-61274

We all know the weapons make the movie, right?

There is a long list of awesome weapons in the history of cinema, and it’s about time we narrow them down to the top 25 (in our all-knowing, unerring opinion).

From weapons the size of a moon to a gun no larger than your pinkie, there’s plenty of variety on the list. But we couldn’t add them all – a couple just missed the cut. The Bear Jew’s baseball bat from Inglourious Basterds, the prawn electric Tesla arc splattering gun from District 9 and the intense .50-caliber, M82 sniper rifle in Smokin’ Aces should be considered honorable mentions.

The actual rankings are based on the capability of the weapon itself. Some sit lower on the list because they would be near useless without the specific user. A few at the top of the list may have been destroyed, but it makes them no less powerful or worthy of the their rank.

Sick Stick – Minority Report

W01The sick stick is an impressive piece of weaponry. It is not lethal, but instills fear in any potential victim. Typically seen in the hands of Precrime officers, it is used in conjunction with the “halo” to subdue those suspected of a future crime. It is only used once in Minority Report, but maybe that’s for the best.

Much like a taser, the baton-shaped stick instantly causes its victims to projectile vomit. Thanks to John Anderton’s (Tom Cruise) quick reflexes, we got to see it in action during an intense chase scene.

Point-of-View-Gun – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

w02The point-of-view gun makes up for its lack of explosive power with pure drama. It packs a punch, but more of an existential one. Once it is fired, anyone in its path will uncontrollably reveal their thoughts to the shooter. According to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, the gun was created by the “Intergalactic Consortium of Angry Housewives” in an attempt to control the endings to marital arguments.

Although the weapon cannot be found in the novel on which the film is based, it was a pleasant addition to the movie. And in the hands of the beautiful Zooey Deschanel, any weapon belongs on this list.

De-Evolution Gun – Super Mario Brothers

W03Thankfully, when King Koopa (Dennis Hopper) tried to use the De-Evolution gun on Mario (Bob Hoskins), everybody’s favorite plumber used Luigi’s (John Leguizamo) mushroom to block the shot. Unfortunately for Anthony Scapelli, the gun worked moments earlier. When Koopa fired the weapon, missing a diving Mario, it struck Scapelli, turning him into a chimpanzee in a matter of seconds.

The gun is truly unlike any of other weapons on the list. While it doesn’t kill, its ability to turn the toughest human into a goofy chimpanzee is quite enough to fear.

Little Friend (M-16 w. grenade launcher) – Scarface

w04One of the most quoted scenes in movie history has its fame thanks to the customized grenade launcher belonging to Tony Montana (Al Pacino) in Scarface. During his last stand, Montana fends off a handful of assassins from atop his staircase using bullets and grenades. It truly is a piece of incredible machinery, even out of Montana’s lethal hands.

While the weapon is powerful enough to kill dozens of people, it has limited magazine capacity. Moreover, it may have been Montana’s wild nature, but the accuracy is pitiful. With a few minor tweaks, it could jump up a few spots.

Bullwhip – Indiana Jones Quadrilogy

W05Most of the weapons you will find on this list have some kind of firing mechanism, but lack the iconic status of Indiana Jones’ bullwhip. It is a tough task to take an item primarily used for dominatrix bedroom activity and make it one of the most recognizable movie weapons ever. That is precisely what Steven Spielberg and Harrison Ford accomplished over the span of three (OK, four) movies.

The bullwhip has saved countless lives, swung Indiana Jones over deadly pits, snagged guns from enemy hands, strangled a handful of foes and even gave the hero a chin scar as a teenager. It has been through quite the journey, and to my knowledge, has never been replaced.

Sharks with Frickin’ Laser Beams Attached to Their Heads – Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

w06This is no joke. Dr. Evil was on to something in the Austin Powers films when he asked for “sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads.” Unaware of his own budget at first, he was given sea bass with laser beams attached to their heads. But eventually he got his way.

Dr. Evil’s loving son, Scott Evil, worked hard to win the heart of his father over Mini-Me. All it took was a retro-fitted laser atop a small shark, but unfortunately for movie fans, it was only used once. Still, that laser has deadly accuracy, at least on henchmen.

Telephoto Rifle (20mm Bushmaster cannon) – The Jackal

w07Arms dealer Ian Lamont (Jack Black) gave The Jackal exactly what we wanted. The long-range gun is controlled by cell phone or computer and may be aimed using a joystick. The rounds are made from depleted uranium, adding even more menace to the already lethal weapon. Even without The Jackal behind the trigger, it would be on this list.

The only problem with the gun is its accuracy. The first time it is used by The Jackal, we get a sense of the work it needs. Of course, what is a few inches when the results are so explosive? But it drops a few spots because of this glaring flaw. If The Jackal had his way, Lamont would have lost more than his arm during the initial test shot.

Oddjob’s Hat – Goldfinger

w08Although I’m not convinced Oddjob’s hat is a bowler hat, it is deadly nonetheless. A metal razor lines the rim of his hat and can cut through a stone sculpture. Tilly Masterson saw her demise at the tip of Oddjob’s hat in the James Bond film Goldfinger.

Ironically enough, the hat was also the cause of Oddjob’s own death. But not through the expected method. Instead, he threw the hat at James Bond (Sean Connery) and missed. It became lodged in a wall of metal bars and when Oddjob tried to pry it free, Bond electrocuted the villain.

Chain Mace – Kill Bill Vol. 1

w09Quentin Tarantino has been influenced by many works, yet his style adds flair to the already dramatic moments of past cinema. Although the fight scene in Kill Bill between The Bride and Gogo Yubari is exciting and intense, it is drawn from a few existing sources. Most notably, a similar scene is found in “Musashi,” a novel by Eiji Yoshikawa.

Regardless of influence, the weapon is deadly and unpredictable. In the hands of the sinister Gogo Yubari, it is even more lethal. The ball and chain has many options. It is used to choke, slice and strike The Bride.

Although the weapon is her bread and butter, it also indirectly helped The Bride kill Gogo. With all the fancy moves Gogo used to wind up with her chain mace, it didn’t do its job. It may have taken lives in the past, but on screen the chain mace takes none.

VX Gas – The Rock

w10To be honest, nothing I can say about the VX gas rocket used by General Hummel (Ed Harris) in The Rock would do it justice. So I’m going to leave you with two quotes from the illustrious Stanley Goodspeed (Nic Cage) to get my point across as to why this belongs on the list:

“Look, I’m just a biochemist. Most of the time, I work in a little glass jar and lead a very uneventful life. I drive a Volvo, a beige one. But what I’m dealing with here is one of the most deadly substances the earth has ever known, so what say you cut me some friggin’ slack!?”

“If the rocket renders it aerosol, it could take out an entire city of people… It’s a cholinesterase inhibitor. Stops the brain from sending nerve messages down the spinal cord within thirty seconds. Any epidermal exposure or inhalation and you’ll know. A twinge at the small of your back as the poison seizes your nervous system…Your muscles freeze, you can’t breathe, you spasm so hard you break your own back and spit your guts out. But that’s after your skin melts off.”

Golden Gun – The Man with the Golden Gun

w11In The Man With The Golden Gun, James Bond’s main foe is arguably not human. While Francisco Scaramanga is a scary man, the gun he uses truly makes him venomous. In the film, his golden gun fires a customized 23-carat bullet. The gun can also be broken down and disguised as various items like a pen and cuff-link, amongst others.

The golden gun has had its fair share of kills. In the hands of Scaramanga it has murdered political celebrities, gangsters, Gibson (a scientist in the film), Hai-Fat (his boss) and agent 002 Bill Fairbanks.

Chuck Norris’ Entire Body – Every thing he’s ever done

w12Let’s face it. No body part is more revered in the action genre than Chuck Norris’ fist. Not even Bruce Lee’s legs have as much pull as the clenched hands of Norris. Thanks to Sidekicks, a film many wish to forget, I have a lasting memory of the iconic Chuck Norris. But his abilities are only superseded by his reputation.

It is truly impressive how many henchmen and bumbling assassins have been knocked unconscious at the mercy of his fists. The rest of his body does come into play during fight scenes, but Chuck Norris’ fists have taken the most fame, even crossing over into Family Guy parody. That is the stuff of legend.

Explosive Nose Charge – Mission: Impossible III

w13When we are first introduced to the explosive nose charge in Mission: Impossible III it is without warning. On a helicopter to safety, Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) attempts to save his damsel in distress (Keri Russell), but she dies seconds before he can help her. A charge, planted inside her nose, created a micro-burst that essentially imploded her brain. The result was a disgusting mess of internal debris.

The device is unbelievably fast in its action. Once triggered, it is a matter a milliseconds before death overcomes its victims. Once implanted in the nose of Hunt, it took a defibrillator to counteract the charge. It is difficult to describe just how intense the moments before death can be for a victim of this weapon.

Wrist Laser – Iron Man 2

w13For anybody who saw Iron Man 2 in theaters, one of the most unforgettable scenes involved a weapon that desperately belongs on this list. When Screen Rant king Vic Holtreman told me to wait on this list until I saw Iron Man 2, my anticipation grew every day. In the film, you may recall Justin Hammer (Sam Rockwell) promoted his new line of weapons with which to equip War Machine. The last was the “Ex-Wife.” Naturally, I presumed this would be the epic weapon.

Boy, was I wrong. The “Ex-Wife” proved to be yet another Hammer dud, but Iron Man’s laser was quite the opposite. Out of nowhere, Iron Man warned War Machine to duck, before priming the ultimate handheld weapon. He began a sort of 360-spin move, but not before initiating a deadly laser beam from each wrist. It instantly decapitated the swarm of enemies around the heroic duo. The same eerie silence overcame audiences as when the Joker’s truck flipped in The Dark Knight.

Bow and Arrow – Robin Hood

w14The bow and arrow is not an illustrious weapon. Following a handheld laser with some wood and string doesn’t exactly win over the ladies. But Robin Hood’s weapon of choice has stood the test of time. The legend of Robin Hood is impossible to imagine without his bow and arrow.

A simple weapon, the bow and arrow needs little introduction or explanation. In the hands of many it is weak and powerless. Yet, with Robin Hood behind it, a bow and arrow can become a cultural staple. He hardly ever misses, and if he does, it may have been on purpose. This is the epitome of a weapon only as good as its shooter, and its shooter is darn good.

.44 Magnum – Dirty Harry

w15The .44 magnum pistol isn’t an overwhelming piece, but it packs a punch. And in the hands of Harry Callahan it doesn’t even need to have a bullet left in the chamber to scare a criminal. Dirty Harry is another film in which the most heavily quoted line is about a weapon.

“I know what you’re thinking — ‘Did he fire six shots or only five?’ Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But, being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?”

The Smith & Wesson Model 29 revolver is still popular today thanks to Dirty Harry and the film even led to a spike in sales during its theatrical release. Now you tell me that’s not an influential weapon.

Noisy Cricket – Men in Black

w16Not every weapon has to look like much, as long as its bite is big, loud and deadly. When Agent J (Will Smith) takes the puny little Noisy Cricket from Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones), he is understandably upset. Only when he fires the pinkie-sized gun does he understand its power.

The weapon not only takes a chunk out of its target, but propels the shooter back dozens of feet. It is quite the weapon, but not necessarily put to its best use in Men in Black.

Rail Gun – Eraser

w17The U.S. Navy has clocked the speed of a railgun at seven times the speed of sound. Of course, you didn’t need to know that to believe it belongs on this list.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has held quite a few guns in his acting career, but few are as intimidating as his pair of railguns in Eraser. Even cooler than the explosive results of firing a railgun in Eraser is the plasma trail it leaves behind.

The swirly, blue trail is eye-popping and adds an extra level of awesome to the weapon. And don’t forget the night-vision scope on the side of the gun, which even uses X-ray technology to see through walls.

Jericho Missile – Iron Man

w18The Jericho Missile was created in respect to “how daddy did it,” and it has worked out pretty well so far. Although we only see it fire once, the missile is unforgettable. Did I mention it comes with a free Stark Industries bar/cooler?

Not only does the missile break into 16 individual missiles while in flight, but even Tony Stark guarantees “the bad guys won’t even want to come out of their caves.” The shockwave alone could do some damage, but the missile itself will blow a hole in the side of any mountain. Unfortunately, it is such a commodity, villains like The Ten Rings have been looking to unleash it on innocent civilians.

Sting – The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

w19(Note from  Henry: Here I beg to differ. If we are going to represent Lord of the Rings, then I’d submit Orcrist or Narsil or Grond)

If you are wondering how close an Orc may be to your home, it would be wise to get your hands on Sting. Luckily for its holder, the sword glows blue when Orcs are near. But it isn’t the ability of the sword that puts it so high on this list. Instead, it is the mental strength it gives its owner, Frodo, while in his possession. Of course, throughout his journey, Frodo experiences many events that help his confidence grow. But the sword was a major boost for the once fearful Hobbit.

In addition to the physical and mental advantages to Sting, it holds legendary status in the real world and Middle Earth. Fans of the Lord of the Rings franchise have been awestruck by the glowing sword since its first moment on screen. In Middle Earth it is handed off like royalty, rather than a mere antique.

Zorg ZF-1 – The Fifth Element

w20(Note from Henry: This is also my personal favorite. The gun with everything but the kitchen sink. The Fifth Element is a fun movie, but it is worth watching just for the ZF-1 alone!)

My personal favorite is also the super-villain Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg’s (Gary Oldman) favorite as well. The enhanced weapon is fitted with almost everything imaginable. While it doesn’t hold the legendary status of other weapons on this list, it deserves its place near the top. Imagine all the special features added to James Bond cars in one handheld device. That’s the essence of the Zorg ZF-1.

The ZF-1 holds a rocket launcher, poison arrow launcher, machine gun with replay capability, net launcher, flamethrower and freeze ray. Pretty handy for a light-weight gun wouldn’t you say?

Chainsaw – American Psycho, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Evil Dead

w21The chainsaw is a basic weapon by itself. In the hands of legendary villains and sinister men it is something else entirely. For example, take three of its most iconic users: Ash Williams, Patrick Bateman and Leatherface. The chainsaw can bring humor to the most sadistic moments, while the simple whirring sound can instill fear in the toughest of heroes.

The chainsaw has severed possessed hands, impaled runaway prostitutes and sliced through innocent teenagers over its illustrious history. But the chainsaw is deserving of the #3 spot because of its epic status and basic structure.

Hattori Hanzo Sword – Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2

w22“I am finished doing what I swore an oath to God 28 years ago to never do again. I’ve created something that kills people. And in that purpose, I was a success. I’ve done this because, philosophically, I am sympathetic to your aim. I can tell you with no ego, this is my finest sword. If on your journey, you should encounter God, God will be cut.”

Hattori Hanzo’s reputation for sword-making is one of the most legendary in film history. Of course, he was speaking figuratively when he claimed the sword would cut God, but honestly, I wouldn’t doubt it. Hanzo’s swords are priceless, unless you are in El Paso, where you can get one for $250.

The core of Kill Bill is a brilliant story, but it is pushed beyond brilliance by the iconic nature of the Hanzo sword. The samurai sword killed countless henchmen and took the lives of much of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad. In a glorious death, The Bride sliced the top of O-Ren Ishii’s head clean off. The sword can cut through a human head as easily as it can a baseball. In addition, it makes a nice mirror.

Lightsaber – Star Wars Saga

w24The lightsaber has been the most beloved handheld weapon since it was first seen on screen in 1977′s Star Wars. Anybody who disagrees can head over to YouTube and find hundreds of homemade lightsaber fight scenes as proof. But those who possess a lightsaber in the Star Wars mythology are far more gifted than any YouTube sensation. Obi-Wan Kenobi explained it to the world in simple terms:

“This was the formal weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a blaster. More skill than simple sight was required for its use. An elegant weapon. It was a symbol as well. Anyone can use a blaster or a fusion cutter—but to use a lightsaber well was a mark of someone a cut above the ordinary.”

Lightsabers are an intriguing weapon. Sometimes they penetrate like a regular knife, other times they slice a victim in two halves. Either way, if you get struck by a lightsaber, I hope you’ve got a spare limb hanging around. It’s favorite body part to destroy? Hands. And it comes in various colors in case you’ve got a favorite, like Forest Green.

Death Star – Star Wars Saga

w25“That’s no moon. That’s a space station.”

Grand Moff Tarkin (Peter Cushing) controlled the Death Star, which is hands-down the most intimidating weapon in history. Also known as the “ultimate weapon,” the Death Star is a floating space station the size of a moon. It has the capability to destroy an entire planet in the span of a few seconds.

Of course, both Death Stars seen in the Star Wars films were destroyed, but it does not take away from the epic status of the weapon. Though one downfall (apart from that one pesky and obvious design flaw) would be the lack of maneuverability. The Death Star is relatively slow. Unlike handheld weapons like the lightsaber, it requires a massive tactical team to fire even a single shot.

Some would argue the lightsaber is more memorable than the Death Star, but a ligthsaber is no match for the Empire’s ultimate weapon. Nor are any of the others on the extensive list above. So, pick your favorite weapon and let the debate begin.

Final note from Henry:

This is a terrific list. Honorable mentions might also include the bucket of water from “The Wizard of Oz”, the minigun from “Terminator II” and “Predator”, explosive shuriken thrown by Selene the vampire in “Underworld”, Gandalf or Saruman’s wizard staff from “The Lord of the Rings”, the (frickin’) invisible flying submarine from “The Avengers”, Thor’s hammer from (wait for it) “Thor”, and the ghost-capturing gun from “Ghostbusters.”


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Classic Quotes from The Matrix

Here are some great quotes from the movie The Matrix

Matrix
Agent Smith: We’re willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start. All that we’re asking in return is your cooperation in bringing a known terrorist to justice.
Neo: Yeah. Well, that sounds like a pretty good deal. But I think I may have a better one. How about, I give you the finger
[He does]
Neo: and you give me my phone call.
—–
Spoon boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Instead… only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Spoon boy: Then you’ll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
—–
Agent Smith: I’d like to share a revelation that I’ve had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species and I realized that you’re not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You’re a plague and we are the cure.
—–
Morpheus: I imagine that right now, you’re feeling a bit like Alice. Hmm? Tumbling down the rabbit hole?
Neo: You could say that.
Morpheus: I see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, that’s not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: Because I don’t like the idea that I’m not in control of my life.
Morpheus: I know *exactly* what you mean. Let me tell you why you’re here. You’re here because you know something. What you know you can’t explain, but you feel it. You’ve felt it your entire life, that there’s something wrong with the world. You don’t know what it is, but it’s there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I’m talking about?
Neo: The Matrix.
Morpheus: Do you want to know what it is?
Neo: Yes.
Morpheus: The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work… when you go to church… when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Morpheus: That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else you were born into bondage. Into a prison that you cannot taste or see or touch. A prison for your mind.
—–
Oracle: I’d ask you to sit down, but, you’re not going to anyway. And don’t worry about the vase.
Neo: What vase?
[Neo turns to look for a vase, and as he does, he knocks over a vase of flowers, which shatters on the floor]
Oracle: That vase.
Neo: I’m sorry…
Oracle: I said don’t worry about it. I’ll get one of my kids to fix it.
Neo: How did you know?
Oracle: Ohh, what’s really going to bake your noodle later on is, would you still have broken it if I hadn’t said anything?
—–
Cypher: I know what you’re thinking, ’cause right now I’m thinking the same thing. Actually, I’ve been thinking it ever since I got here: Why oh why didn’t I take the BLUE pill?
—–
Tank: So what do you need? Besides a miracle.
Neo: Guns. Lots of guns.
—–
Morpheus: How did I beat you?
Neo: You… you’re too fast.
Morpheus: Do you believe that my being stronger or faster has anything to do with my muscles in this place? Do you think that’s air you’re breathing now?
—–
Tank: Here you go, buddy; “Breakfast of Champions.”
Mouse: If you close your eyes, it almost feels like you’re eating runny eggs.
Apoc: Yeah, or a bowl of snot.
Mouse: Do you know what it really reminds me of? Tasty Wheat. Did you ever eat Tasty Wheat?
Switch: No, but technically, neither did you.
Mouse: That’s exactly my point. Exactly. Because you have to wonder: how do the machines know what Tasty Wheat tasted like? Maybe they got it wrong. Maybe what I think Tasty Wheat tasted like actually tasted like oatmeal, or tuna fish. That makes you wonder about a lot of things. You take chicken, for example: maybe they couldn’t figure out what to make chicken taste like, which is why chicken tastes like everything.
Apoc: Shut up, Mouse.
—–
Morpheus: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.
—–
Agent Smith: The great Morpheus. We meet at last.
Morpheus: And you are?
Agent Smith: A Smith. Agent Smith.
Morpheus: You all look the same to me.
—–